Insomnia Strikes :)

Whoa! Nigh a month since I last actually blogged. There are a few reasons for that and there is no way I can possibly catch you up reasonably well so I'll just give a snapshot of what life has been.

Ministry has been really cool. We have been able to grow deeper in relationships with those that have been hanging out at the Blue House. I can't think of anyone that has been here for more than an hour without hearing the gospel spoken. It is a joy to be able to share the good news of freedom and then live as people freed. I'm really excited to be meeting more intentionally with our friend Becky from the ward. We are meeting to discuss doctrinal differences. The honesty in the conversation is refreshing. Please pray that God will reveal his truth.

We had a week without teams which was a cool time to spend as an intern family and build into one another. We have started reading and praying together which has been life-changing for each of us, I believe. It's really late/early so I can't really remember much of what has been happening, but it's been a really great month. We have had great times with missionaries both at Temple Square and here in Ogden. Pray for the Holy Spirit to be working. Utah is far from the harvest; this is a seed-planting ministry. Tonight we were talking about how few testimonies we actually here from ex-mos who came to Christ from people witnessing to them. Usually it comes from reading the Bible or stumbling upon the gospel through radio, TV, tracts or coming into a church. God has been working to call people to himself. From what I know of missions, that seems to be how it goes. I think it is time for the next step, for God's people to go out into the field and start building relationships with the lost and planting seeds through showing Christ's love. Pray for workers to come to Utah. As you pray it, know that it is already coming true. There are some really cool people out here I am honored to work alongside. It is wonderful that God does not need us to bring people to him. He can and does do it on his own. But there are other times he allows us to work beside him and get a front-row seat to his redeeming work. Ask God that he puts you in that place. It is worth whatever the cost, because you will know him and what he has done for you and others more. What is there in this life but to know and be known by, to love and be loved by the Lord Jesus Christ. Choose to be satisfied by nothing less and recognize that there is nothing more.

The teams we have had recently are great. We had a team from UC Davis who showed us a bit of what God's patience looks like. A few of our unsaved friends can be difficult because they never stop ranting about what they think. However, their many words were no match for this team's patience and eventually they heard and really listened to the gospel. It was awesome. We had a team from a Faith Chinese Alliance Church in Oakland, CA who showed us what Paul meant by outdoing one another in showing honor (Romans 12). They did nothing but service for our ministry all week. It was so encouraging and convicting. They cooked for us each night and never let us help with the cleaning. The gift of helps is awesome. We have a team here now from Oklahoma led by an ex-mo. We are doing a ton of witnessing at Temple Square this week because it is Pioneer Days, the weekend that upstages July 4th in patriotic celebration. Mormons LOVE their history (provided that it is LDS Church-approved versions of that history) and they have been celebrating for the past month or so. Pray for fruitful times with strangers.

My favorite part about life right now is the fellowship here at the Blue House. I love God's church very much and seeing a tiny hint of it with the interns and a few other Christians who make up our family has been very encouraging. Young adults by no mean make up a church and I would never call us that. But I love that God brought together several very different personalities to work and live in close proximity. We have been able to support each other a great deal in ministry and I believe in God's ministry of healing in each other's lives. I love Christian community so much because I get to see God working intimately in the people he and I love. Please pray for miracles amongst this little community in the remaining weeks we have together. They are truly life-giving to me.

Something that has been a part of my life the past few weeks is fear. I'm terrified of making decisions and I'm terrified of the future. Pretty much terror strikes when I am happy because I don't want things to change. I'm a coward, but that's that. God has been doing some cool things with me in that, but I'm not completely freed. I'm getting afraid of a lot of things, stupid things mostly. I feel like I blogged about this a few months ago, so maybe it's just coming back. I'm afraid that I'm forgetting something all the time and I'm feeling guilty all the time for the little things that I forget to do. It's dumb (though not unfounded, I have been making a lot of dumb mistakes lately), but powerful. I'm also a little bit afraid of Christian community, I think. I love love love the people God has been putting in my life, but I see some things in me I don't like. Most of it is sin that I thought God rid me of, but I'm realizing he just removed me from the temptation. That's a lesson in not getting too cocky about my own sanctification. I love Christians but when I get close I put them in front of God and that's idolatry. Some of the things I worry about are not really sin issues, just things I worry can become issues eventually. I don't think I have big insecurities about Christian community so much as I'm enjoying it and I don't want to mess things up. Because of these different kinds of fear, insomnia has struck again so I'm writing this an hour and a half before my alarm goes off. God has been telling me I have no reason to fear, but it's still there. Please pray for that.

In the past few hours I have been awake, I've had some good time with God. I sat in the backyard for awhile and thought about how different everything is since the last time I did that in the middle of the night. Firstly there is no snow. That is really weird. This whole season thing is so strange. But it's also cool. God showed me he is sovereign over the whole land and changes it when he wants. He reminded me he is also sovereign over the hearts in this land and he is changing them when he wants. The dead will be made alive in God's lovely timing. There is a Christian bookstore called "Oasis" out here which I really love. The Spirit is putting springs in this desert and will one day water the land. Another thing is that the house is full of people. I'm not alone anymore. God had that in mind all along which I kept forgetting. It's not my ministry, it never has been. This is his house and ministry to fill with whomever he chooses. I'm excited to be one of them at least for this time. I was also enjoying the garden. It's totally overgrown and there is very little mulch to be seen under the mass of green. My seedlings are unrecognizable and without me hardly noticing God did something amazing with it. I think he is doing the same with the ministry out here. Whatever I do that I get so excited about pales in comparison with what God has in mind. I've gotten to see the Lord do miracles with so many people already and I know he is doing more. It's a joy to be a worker in this field because the Farmer is Yahweh.